You can't make this stuff up...

So.... the puppy delivery was "interesting" to say the least.  I made the trek to Moline, America, population 27ish.  Dave and his daughter were going to be a little late so I drove the four North/South and East/West streets over and over until I was scared that someone might call the police, thinking I was casing their place (thank you Law & Order for making me paranoid about these types of things). 

I called Dave, a man I had never met, to work out the details where we would meet. 

Me: Well, I don't know if you've ever been here before, but there's really only one main business street. 

Dave: Sounds great, is there a business where there's some light so we don't have to transfer this pup in the dark?

Me: Yeah... just the bar.  I'll be parked in my vehicle in front of it.

Dave: Hey, hey, hey, I thought your brother-in-law said you were a married woman.  This sounds alright!

Me: (Huge groan.  I may have accidentally let it out right in the phone speaker where he could hear it too.)

So there was the first "fun" event of the evening. 

I parked in front of the bar, waiting on Dave and talking to my sister on the phone.  I saw a car in my rear view mirror pull up and park directly behind me in the middle of the street.  I figured that it was Dave so I hung up on my sister and got out of the vehicle to greet the man.  My eyes got huge when a man that clearly had not been in high school for 20 years yet was still wearing his letter jacket got out of the passenger door of this car and started giving me the creeper eye.  You know - the one where you feel dirty and you instantly wish you had transferred that pepper spray into your new purse. 

I tried to play it off like I was reaching into my backseat for something and awkwardly opened my rear door and started to shuffle non-existent papers and pet the puppy.  After a looooooong period of killing time I looked up to find that Creeper Man was standing at the front door of the bar, staring at me. 

Creeper Man: You coming inside girl?  Its awful cold out here.  I could buy you a drink to warm you up. 

Me: (swallow my vomit) Thanks, I'm waiting on a friend to get here first.  I'll be in there in a minute!  (insert wink and cheesy hand-pointed-like-a-gun wave)

Creeper Man: What's your friend's name?  I bet I know him. 

Me: (screaming in my head: His name is Ah-nold and he's gonna kick your ass!) Um, well, he's from out of town... I'm actually trying to call him right now! (All the while desperately trying to find my phone in my coat pocket and decide if it was quicker to call 911 or my sister.  I decided that in case of emergency at least Karalina could nag him to death.) 

When I finally reached her on the phone I gave him another friendly little smile and wave and he FINALLY made his way into the bar where he continued to check up on me through the glass door.  For the next 10 minutes I relayed my story to her and then listened as she put it on speaker phone and nearly cut off all her oxygen flow from laughing too hard. 

This may be the end of my puppy delivering days.