A Plethora of Possibilites

I have no trouble recalling the crazy events of my life, they seem to happen upon me like raindrops on a palm tree in a hurricane.  (Like the analogy? I'm on a roll this morning!)

The biggest conundrum I face right now is the appropriate title for this morning's events.  Let's look at some options:

Why I Looked Like a Ninja Warrior-Bandit This Morning

Thank Goodness We Don't Have Neighbors

I Hope That Smell Leaves Soon

Orange Juice: Smooth Going Down AND Back Up!

Are you starting to get the feeling that "stellar" is not one of the top ten ways I would describe my morning?  You're so clever, nothing gets by you...  Let me start at the beginning, (a very good place to start).  Sorry, I couldn't resist breaking out into song.  And no, I haven't been drinking.

We found a skunk laying dead in our road yesterday morning.  Normally this wouldn't be a huge cause for concern but our neighbors only six miles down the road had a rabid skunk at their place early in the spring and now everyone is a little gun shy.  I didn't have time to haul him to the vet for testing yesterday.  I simply, absolutely, DID NOT.  Keep that in mind for the rest of this story and don't hold my crazy schedule against me.

I asked Wesley to bag him up and leave him somewhere where the girls could not get to him for the day.  He did exactly as I asked him and placed the skunk in a Glad trash bag (odor shield, yeah right) and placed the bag inside a closed area on the north end of our shed.  I really didn't think much about the skunk after I left the house yesterday morning.

Yesterday night when I got home after my meeting at 11pm, I got out of the car and IMMEDIATELY was reminded about our skunk problem.  It smelled absolutely delectable.... if you have the taste buds of a vulture. 

Anyhow, I'm going to try to rush through some of the 'yummy' details.  Did you know that after only 24 hours in intense heat, a skunk's body will start to decompose enough to make it squishy and drip 'juice' (for lack of a more proper term) out of the bag.  This meant that I couldn't place the trash sack in the car - obviously.  Also, the stench was so powerful that I had to place a jacket (black) over my nose and mouth, wrap the arms of the jacket around the back of my head, crisscross over to the front and tie a huge knot directly over my mouth, effectively gagging myself and blocking the majority of the smell.  (Cue the "why I looked like a ninja warrior-bandit."  Not that I've seen a lot of those, but I'm guessing.)  Notice I said majority of the smell was blocked, but not all.  Thus the part about orange juice going down AND up smoothly.  I know, I know, TMI. 

Since I couldn't put the bag-o-dead skunk in the vehicle, I had to throw it on the roof rack and take dirt roads 25 miles into town.  I had made it alllllllmost the entire way into town when I met an oncoming semi.  The force of the rushing wind as he passed by me caused the sack to fly off the roof of the jeep and land in the middle of the road.  I calmly (yeah, right) placed my jacket over my nose and mouth again, jumped out of the car, threw the sack back onto the top of the car, and jumped back into the car before it was necessary to attempt to take another breath of air. 

Now the reallllly great part.  The vet clinic is on the northeast part of town.... right next to the high school.  On my way to the vet clinic I ran into a gang of high school and junior high aged girls on their bikes, calmly riding home from morning weight-lifting classes.  Needless to say, I didn't make any friends there.  I also met Larry, an acquaintance that is running for state representative, at the corner next to the vet clinic.  You could certainly tell that it is an election year and he wanted my vote.  Even though his windows were rolled down and his eyes appeared to be watering profusely, he still smiled and gave me a friendly wave as I drove by. 

I wonder how normal people live their lives...