No rest for the wicked...

If anyone out there needs a good laugh, rest assured my stupid antics can provide ample relief.  Last weekend was our county fair here in the flint hills (I love this time of year!).  It was our third straight night of going to bed well after our 10pm shut-eye time and we were both exhausted.  I'm pretty sure we were both asleep as soon as our heads hit the pillows. 

At 3am I awoke to hear the dogs barking up a storm like they haven't done in weeks.  I had hoped we were over the worst and the coyotes had lost interest in our general area.  Ha..... right..... Yelling at the girls from the window did nothing to quiet them and I finally decided to get my gun.  (Yes, insert any "Annie get your gun" joke here, I've heard them all.)  I grabbed the gun and bullets and headed for the door.  At that moment I realized I hadn't put on my bathrobe with the required pockets to place my extra rounds.  I had to tromp back through the house, put on the blasted bathrobe, and finally made it outside to shoot a few rounds into the dirt.  The shots echoed off the trees down by the creek a quarter mile away and a peaceful silence fell over everything.  Bliss. 

I came back into the house, took off my bathrobe and shoes, put up the gun, and crawled into bed.  Bliss.  Just as my head hit the pillow I heard my bucketcalf start to bawl.  Apparently my shots had awakened him and his impeccible timing knew to wait until I was back in bed to start his antics.  After five minutes of bawling I decided that he, in fact, was not going to stop on his own accord.  I got out of bed, redressed, fixed a bottle of milk, and walked into the shed to feed the hungry baby.  After finishing I washed the bottle and proceeded to head to bed... again.

Before I turned out the lights I glanced over at my husband sleeping soundly in the middle of the bed.  That's right, there are no sides, just his "middle" section and I get whatever is left over.  He had never wakened from his peaceful slumber the entire time.  For a brief, fleeting moment a few thoughts raced through my head: 1) if I smother him with a pillow right now, can I make it look like an accident, and 2) if I am caught, can I claim justifiable homicide.  I mean, really, did he have to look so peaceful and oblivious to the happenings of the world when I had just spent an hour of precious sleep controlling the critters of our house?  Ugh, men.