Wink Wink

In the beginning of our marriage times were a bit tough.  To help bring in a little extra money I was a substitute teacher in our local school.

My very first day of substitute teaching was a cold, nasty, snowy winter day.  So nasty, in fact, that school was delayed and didn't even start till 10am.  I was THRILLED as that meant there was less time for the little people to eat me alive.  Seriously, figured that the school secretary was scraping the bottom of the barrel when she called in a brand new sub on a late start snow day to sub in a rowdy room full of KINDERGARTEN children.  I suppose Linda needs to find some entertainment in her day, but seriously.  This seemed ridiculous.

I tried to calm my nerves as best I could.  The kids were understandably rowdy, what with the screwed-up snow day schedule and a fresh meat substitute standing in the front of the room with a look of terror in her eyes.

I stood at the front of the room, trying to calm my shaking hands while I explained how to color inside the lines or some such nonsense.

I must have had a look of sheer dread on my face.  I remember the desks and chairs were arranged in a half circle.  I started by looking at the child on the left side of the half-circle.  He, like almost every other child, had his head down and was dutifully coloring away on his sheet.  By that point he ceased to care what any adult had to say, he was just ready to color.  Leave me alone, Lady.  Thank you very much.  I made a point to look at every. single. child.  That's what awesome teachers do, right?

I finally made it clear to the right hand side of my half circle, still with a look of dread/terror/nervousness on my face.  The little boy on the end was not coloring though.  He was sitting at his desk, crayon in hand, waiting to make eye contact with the new sub.  He gave me a big smile and a wink and then ducked his head down and began coloring.

I remember making my way to the teachers desk with tears in my eyes.  I was amazed that such a little boy could make me feel so calm, reassured and just plain happy.

The little boy with the big smile, Braysen, died last night from neuroblastoma.  Shitty kid cancer.

I know he's in heaven; I know he's all better now; I know he accomplished so much in nine short years.  That doesn't mean that I, or anyone else in town, is going to make it through the day without shedding any tears.  It is 8:30 am and I already have a headache from dehydration since I've shed so many tears.

Say an extra prayer of thanks for all your blessings today, and if you have a kiddo.... please teach them to wink.