It is now a fact: The growing size of my belly is inversely proportional to the filter on my mouth.
Example #1:
Man: How's the baby doing? Still kicking lots?
Me: I hope so. It's either that or I'm really gassy this morning.
Example #2:
Woman: So, have you found out what you're having yet? Boy or girl?
Me: Nope, we're not finding out.
Woman: Well, I guess that'll be okay.... (REALLY?! Who says crap like that?)
Me: Well, dear, you're damn right that'll be okay because that's WHAT WE'RE DOING.
*awkward silence....*
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Monday, May 20, 2013
Words of Wisdom
Things to never say to your pregnant wife:
-How do you keep your belly from burning on the stove?
-You look like the blower on a silage cutter the way you shovel chips into your mouth.
-Definitely not gaunt. Definitely.
-So, what did you eat for dinner today? (Waits for my answer.) Was that morning dinner, dinner dinner, or mid-afternoon dinner?
**I must put this disclaimer in. Wesley says a million nice things to me every day. These are just the funny ones that I can actually remember for short periods of time. He is NOT a mean person, just hilarious! (And yes, I laugh at this stuff too.)
-How do you keep your belly from burning on the stove?
-You look like the blower on a silage cutter the way you shovel chips into your mouth.
-Definitely not gaunt. Definitely.
-So, what did you eat for dinner today? (Waits for my answer.) Was that morning dinner, dinner dinner, or mid-afternoon dinner?
**I must put this disclaimer in. Wesley says a million nice things to me every day. These are just the funny ones that I can actually remember for short periods of time. He is NOT a mean person, just hilarious! (And yes, I laugh at this stuff too.)
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Bad to the Bone
I always knew our girls were badasses, but I never realized how much till the other night.
I was sitting at home one evening, working away diligently on the computer. It was a nice evening and the windows were open. Suddenly, I heard the girls barking up a storm. They never bark unless there is a coyote around.
I dutifully grabbed a handfull of bullets out of the box sitting on my desk (doesn't everyone keep them there handy), grabbed the gun sitting next to the desk and ran outside.
On the north side of our house, just 10 yards in to the pasture were two coyotes bunched up together. They looked like they were trying to crawl on top of one another to keep away from the two blue heelers that were circling them.
What?!
That's right, Loopie and Laurie were patiently circling the two coyotes from about 10 feet away. Their teeth were bared, neck hair standing straight up into mowhawks. Yup, badasses.
I finally got them called off the coyotes and took a couple of pot shots at the coyotes as they ran for their lives back to their dens by the water shed. Needless to say, the girls got extra dog biscuits that night and we haven't heard the coyotes get very close to the house these past few nights.
Laurie asked if she could start putting a 'victory tally' on the side of her doghouse like Snoopy when he was the Flying Ace. It's under consideration.
I was sitting at home one evening, working away diligently on the computer. It was a nice evening and the windows were open. Suddenly, I heard the girls barking up a storm. They never bark unless there is a coyote around.
I dutifully grabbed a handfull of bullets out of the box sitting on my desk (doesn't everyone keep them there handy), grabbed the gun sitting next to the desk and ran outside.
On the north side of our house, just 10 yards in to the pasture were two coyotes bunched up together. They looked like they were trying to crawl on top of one another to keep away from the two blue heelers that were circling them.
What?!
That's right, Loopie and Laurie were patiently circling the two coyotes from about 10 feet away. Their teeth were bared, neck hair standing straight up into mowhawks. Yup, badasses.
I finally got them called off the coyotes and took a couple of pot shots at the coyotes as they ran for their lives back to their dens by the water shed. Needless to say, the girls got extra dog biscuits that night and we haven't heard the coyotes get very close to the house these past few nights.
Laurie asked if she could start putting a 'victory tally' on the side of her doghouse like Snoopy when he was the Flying Ace. It's under consideration.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Projects
A few weeks ago, Wesley heard the term "nesting" and has been using it incessantly ever since. Before becoming preggo he just called me crazy with all my projects. Apparently now that I am in my delicate state we have to use a more appropriate term.
"Nesting" it is.
I ordered a kit over the internet a few weeks ago. You know, the mailman delivers several boxes that contain thousands of pieces of wood with incoherent instructions and little pictures to tell you the 427 steps to follow. You get to build, stain and finish the bookcase according to your desires. Technically, I think you're supposed to follow the directions until the end, but I figure after the main part is built, you can take some creative license with the rest of the project.
I ordered two bookshelves and one cabinet to house the television for our living room. This is one of my many attempts to create more storage in a teeny-tiny house.
We have brown walls in our house, and I knew the bookcases would also be brown after staining them. To add a bit of 'pop' (how's that for a technical decorating term?) to the bookshelves I, along with my trusty sidekick, sister E.A., added a tin backsplash type thing. (I'm sure you can follow that last sentence, right? Clear as mud.)
See? Now it makes total sense with the picture, right? We went to the kitchen section of our friendly neighborhood hardware store (i.e. drove 1 1/2 hours to find a store big enough to carry this item) and found these plastic sheets of faux tin. They came in rectangles that were three squares x four squares. We could trim off excess sections with an exact-o knife. We laid out the pieces on the thin plywood backing that came in our kit for our dry run to make sure everything was kosher and then spread caulking/adhesive over the back of the 'tin' and front of the plywood and smooshed them together. We laid them out flat on some sawhorses and let them dry overnight.
Whala! Genius, we know. Actually, not to brag, but I'm pretty proud of how well E.A. and I's 'hey, this works in my head, let's give it a go' project went. And to answer a common question, yes, there really is texture to those little plastic, tin-looking squares. They have raises and grooves just like a normal tin tile would. Again, pretty proud of us. Sorry, I'll stop gloating in a minute......
I try to work on assembling bits and pieces of these bookshelves and cabinet every evening when I don't have a meeting or other obligation. It is more time consuming than I was originally anticipating, but I am still quite glad that this is the route we chose to go. And by 'we' I mean me. Wesley agreed to whatever would make me shut up the quickest. Apparently in this 'nesting' phase I seem to drive him up the wall with incessant questions about his opinion on all these projects. Whoopsidaisies. I'll try to add more pictures soon.
"Nesting" it is.
I ordered a kit over the internet a few weeks ago. You know, the mailman delivers several boxes that contain thousands of pieces of wood with incoherent instructions and little pictures to tell you the 427 steps to follow. You get to build, stain and finish the bookcase according to your desires. Technically, I think you're supposed to follow the directions until the end, but I figure after the main part is built, you can take some creative license with the rest of the project.
I ordered two bookshelves and one cabinet to house the television for our living room. This is one of my many attempts to create more storage in a teeny-tiny house.
We have brown walls in our house, and I knew the bookcases would also be brown after staining them. To add a bit of 'pop' (how's that for a technical decorating term?) to the bookshelves I, along with my trusty sidekick, sister E.A., added a tin backsplash type thing. (I'm sure you can follow that last sentence, right? Clear as mud.)
Whala! Genius, we know. Actually, not to brag, but I'm pretty proud of how well E.A. and I's 'hey, this works in my head, let's give it a go' project went. And to answer a common question, yes, there really is texture to those little plastic, tin-looking squares. They have raises and grooves just like a normal tin tile would. Again, pretty proud of us. Sorry, I'll stop gloating in a minute......
I try to work on assembling bits and pieces of these bookshelves and cabinet every evening when I don't have a meeting or other obligation. It is more time consuming than I was originally anticipating, but I am still quite glad that this is the route we chose to go. And by 'we' I mean me. Wesley agreed to whatever would make me shut up the quickest. Apparently in this 'nesting' phase I seem to drive him up the wall with incessant questions about his opinion on all these projects. Whoopsidaisies. I'll try to add more pictures soon.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Attitudy-Judy
Let's all cross our fingers and hope that I'm not harboring and gestating some sort of diva-licious, hormone-raging, attitudy-Judy type fetus.
Loopie and Laurie already have these traits down to a T.
Let me explain. Last week we got a shipment of seed corn delivered to the shop connected to our house. The shop where Loop and Laurie have been sleeping all winter. Let me also tell you that seed corn this year cost us more than this first-born child. No joke.
We didn't want the girls to be tempted and accidentally tear into one of the bags when they were horsing around, so that night we decided it was time to move to their "summer quarters" and sleep in the dog house in their outdoor pen that night.
It may or may not have gotten down to almost freezing that night. And.... it may or may not have rained like the dickens all night long. (Oh, please, folks. Their doghouse is HUGE and was filled with nice, warm hay for them to burrow in.)
Wesley let the girls out of their pen the next morning and they were less than thrilled with the world.
When I came home from work that night Wesley gave me an earful on the cold shoulder that Laurie had given him all morning in the feed pickup.
She sat in the passenger seat with her back to him, staring a hole though the passenger window. He tried several times to make small talk with her, all to no avail. She never even turned her head to look at him. She was mad and she wanted him to know it.
That night I said an extra special little prayer. "Dear God, please don't let our children be as moody as our dogs. Amen."
Loopie and Laurie already have these traits down to a T.
Let me explain. Last week we got a shipment of seed corn delivered to the shop connected to our house. The shop where Loop and Laurie have been sleeping all winter. Let me also tell you that seed corn this year cost us more than this first-born child. No joke.
We didn't want the girls to be tempted and accidentally tear into one of the bags when they were horsing around, so that night we decided it was time to move to their "summer quarters" and sleep in the dog house in their outdoor pen that night.
It may or may not have gotten down to almost freezing that night. And.... it may or may not have rained like the dickens all night long. (Oh, please, folks. Their doghouse is HUGE and was filled with nice, warm hay for them to burrow in.)
Wesley let the girls out of their pen the next morning and they were less than thrilled with the world.
When I came home from work that night Wesley gave me an earful on the cold shoulder that Laurie had given him all morning in the feed pickup.
She sat in the passenger seat with her back to him, staring a hole though the passenger window. He tried several times to make small talk with her, all to no avail. She never even turned her head to look at him. She was mad and she wanted him to know it.
That night I said an extra special little prayer. "Dear God, please don't let our children be as moody as our dogs. Amen."
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