I work in a field that is traditionally and predominantly populated by men. Most people "go with the flow" when they find out that a female now holds this position. Most people.
In the past two weeks I've come across two codgers that weren't so happy with this fact.
Example #1: A farmer came into the office with very specific questions regarding soil testing, crops, cattle, the whole enchilada. After playing 20 questions with him and doing a very respectable job of holding my own he looked around the office and said, "Well, that's all nice but where's the man around here?" To which I replied, "I am the man around here." He looked at me with a bit of bewilderment in his eyes - probably due to the fact that he had no option in the office but to talk to me. I decided to keep the uncomfortableness going.
"Yep," I said. "Can you believe they went and hired a woman?" It was like I had pulled the words right out of his mouth, and he wasn't too thrilled that I had beat him to the punch.
Example #2: I was on the phone with a producer that was absolutely adamant that he had met HIM before. "You, know, the man that runs things around there."
Uhhhhh-huhhhhhh. I made sure to ask him, twice, if he meant my predecessor, Jeff.
"Nope, I met HIM at Jeff's retirement party and had a great talk with HIM and I just can't wait till I'm back in town and I can have a nice long talk with HIM and HE can help me with my problems."
I finally couldn't take it any longer. "Sir, I don't know who you met at that retirement party, but I am the HIM around here." (It didn't sound quite like that but I can't remember my exact words. Something equally genius.)
Funny thing, the silence of confusion and disappointment sounds very similar over the phone.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
This is worse than Bambi's dad dying
I hauled a couple of calves to the locker this morning to be butchered. I didn't think much about it, and to tell you the truth I was actually pretty excited. Fresh beef! Woohoo!
As I unloaded the calves I noticed that there was a heifer with a bit of a bad eye. Not a big concern of mine, seeing as how I don't find eyeballs delectable.
I returned the pickup and trailer home and stopped Wesley to let him know that I had finished my task.
"What did you think of that steer you dropped off?" he asked.
"He was nuttier than squirrel poop and I'm glad he's losing his head" or something similar was my reply.
"Um, did you notice anything about that other calf?...." I could tell it was a loaded question.
Instantly, my mind raced over the past one to 24 months, trying to figure out where I might recognize this one, nondescript heifer from.
"Well, I noticed that she had a.........well, she had BAD EYES! YOU JUST KILLED MY LITTLE BLIND BUCKET CALF THAT I RAISED LAST YEAR!" I screamed.
"Um, technically, you just did."
Sidenote: When dropping some sort of great revelation on your wife do not also take the time to argue with her and point out insignificant details.
As I unloaded the calves I noticed that there was a heifer with a bit of a bad eye. Not a big concern of mine, seeing as how I don't find eyeballs delectable.
I returned the pickup and trailer home and stopped Wesley to let him know that I had finished my task.
"What did you think of that steer you dropped off?" he asked.
"He was nuttier than squirrel poop and I'm glad he's losing his head" or something similar was my reply.
"Um, did you notice anything about that other calf?...." I could tell it was a loaded question.
Instantly, my mind raced over the past one to 24 months, trying to figure out where I might recognize this one, nondescript heifer from.
"Well, I noticed that she had a.........well, she had BAD EYES! YOU JUST KILLED MY LITTLE BLIND BUCKET CALF THAT I RAISED LAST YEAR!" I screamed.
"Um, technically, you just did."
Sidenote: When dropping some sort of great revelation on your wife do not also take the time to argue with her and point out insignificant details.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
On this day in history...
Apologies - I feel like being brief today.
Two years ago today, Wesley and I got married. The day after our wedding we woke up early, opened presents, and by noon were ready to get back to normal. As Wesley loaded his overnight bag into the feed pickup he took off his wedding ring, handed it to me and left to drive the two hours back to our new home and doctor calves. I stayed at my folks that day and helped my dad doctor a couple of his calves.
Wesley mentioned to a friend once that he liked me because I was plain. He later amended that statement to say that he meant low maintenance, but he probably hit the nail on the head just as well the first time.
Wesley called me during lunch to see what my plans for tonight were. We could go out tonight to a big town for supper or we could drive around and feed calves, wheel up pens and just be low key.
I dare you to guess how we're celebrating tonight.
Two years ago today, Wesley and I got married. The day after our wedding we woke up early, opened presents, and by noon were ready to get back to normal. As Wesley loaded his overnight bag into the feed pickup he took off his wedding ring, handed it to me and left to drive the two hours back to our new home and doctor calves. I stayed at my folks that day and helped my dad doctor a couple of his calves.
Wesley mentioned to a friend once that he liked me because I was plain. He later amended that statement to say that he meant low maintenance, but he probably hit the nail on the head just as well the first time.
Wesley called me during lunch to see what my plans for tonight were. We could go out tonight to a big town for supper or we could drive around and feed calves, wheel up pens and just be low key.
I dare you to guess how we're celebrating tonight.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
We DEFINITELY Do Not Play Well With Others
Some months ago, I told a story about how the girls apparently don't play well with others. My evidence was a decapitated coyote head and family of baby raccoons in my yard after a night of debauchery.
Sunday morning, I stayed in the house for several hours with the girls, attempting to tackle a mountain of dishes and laundry. I had finally tackled enough of those two mountains that I felt I could move outside and begin some other, equally fun tasks like weeding and watering my flowers. I opened up the back door and instantly the two girls flew past me and took off like a shot.
I didn't immediately see the coyote that was standing beside the pickup and almost in the garage door of our shop. He turned to run as soon as the girls began chasing. Loop and Laurie ran like cheetahs after that coyote, barking up a storm the entire way. And by bark, I don't mean "Woof (please leave the premesis) woof (at your earliest convenience)." This was an incredibly guttural Ima gonna kill you type of growl/bark. I too began running and followed after the girls at a MUCH slower pace, shouting obscenities that helped to solidify the fact that we didn't want coyotes that close to our house ever again, just in case there was any lingering doubt in his mind.
After a lengthy chase the coyote finally inched away from the girls and ran back towards the pond. I called the girls back to me and the three of us tried to settle back down.
As if that weren't enough to make this an epic story..... did I forget to mention that I was on the phone with my aunt the entire time? My bad. Yes, that's right, I was on the phone with her as I opened the kitchen door and all the commotion ensued. Since I forgot to hang up the cell phone in my hand, Aunt Chelle was privileged to hear everything first hand. I believe it sounded something like this:
"What the? YOU DIRTY @#$%^&*()_)(*&^%$##@@$!@#$%^&*()(*^%#@!@##%^!!#$^&*#!!@#$%&*(&^$%$@!#%%&*)(&%#!@#%&))*^%#%!#%%^&*)*(
........um, hello? Oh, you're still on the line? Whoops."
Sunday morning, I stayed in the house for several hours with the girls, attempting to tackle a mountain of dishes and laundry. I had finally tackled enough of those two mountains that I felt I could move outside and begin some other, equally fun tasks like weeding and watering my flowers. I opened up the back door and instantly the two girls flew past me and took off like a shot.
I didn't immediately see the coyote that was standing beside the pickup and almost in the garage door of our shop. He turned to run as soon as the girls began chasing. Loop and Laurie ran like cheetahs after that coyote, barking up a storm the entire way. And by bark, I don't mean "Woof (please leave the premesis) woof (at your earliest convenience)." This was an incredibly guttural Ima gonna kill you type of growl/bark. I too began running and followed after the girls at a MUCH slower pace, shouting obscenities that helped to solidify the fact that we didn't want coyotes that close to our house ever again, just in case there was any lingering doubt in his mind.
After a lengthy chase the coyote finally inched away from the girls and ran back towards the pond. I called the girls back to me and the three of us tried to settle back down.
As if that weren't enough to make this an epic story..... did I forget to mention that I was on the phone with my aunt the entire time? My bad. Yes, that's right, I was on the phone with her as I opened the kitchen door and all the commotion ensued. Since I forgot to hang up the cell phone in my hand, Aunt Chelle was privileged to hear everything first hand. I believe it sounded something like this:
"What the? YOU DIRTY @#$%^&*()_)(*&^%$##@@$!@#$%^&*()(*^%#@!@##%^!!#$^&*#!!@#$%&*(&^$%$@!#%%&*)(&%#!@#%&))*^%#%!#%%^&*)*(
........um, hello? Oh, you're still on the line? Whoops."
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Sherlock Holmes Am I
Around here, folks ship a lot of cattle.
Around here, lots of folks drink lots of beer.
The other morning as I was driving to work, I noticed driving down the blacktop road were three cattle trucks. This is not so unusual. What made me smile was the fact that there were three cattle trucks and following them was a Keystone light semi. While this particular, um, flavor of beer is not for everyone, it is a favorite of our neighbor Billy.
One by one I saw all of the cattle pots turn on their blinkers and the Keystone light semi sat behind them patiently, never attempting to go around the convoy.
I called Wesley and asked if any of our neighbors were planning to ship cattle that morning.
"Yeah, there's a whole crew over at Billy's place. Why do you ask?"
No reason, Honey. No reason.
*Although I should take some sort of journalistic liberty and end the story there, for Billy's sake I must throw in the disclaimer that I did not, in fact, ever see the beer semi go to Bill's house. Bummer for him.
Around here, lots of folks drink lots of beer.
The other morning as I was driving to work, I noticed driving down the blacktop road were three cattle trucks. This is not so unusual. What made me smile was the fact that there were three cattle trucks and following them was a Keystone light semi. While this particular, um, flavor of beer is not for everyone, it is a favorite of our neighbor Billy.
One by one I saw all of the cattle pots turn on their blinkers and the Keystone light semi sat behind them patiently, never attempting to go around the convoy.
I called Wesley and asked if any of our neighbors were planning to ship cattle that morning.
"Yeah, there's a whole crew over at Billy's place. Why do you ask?"
No reason, Honey. No reason.
*Although I should take some sort of journalistic liberty and end the story there, for Billy's sake I must throw in the disclaimer that I did not, in fact, ever see the beer semi go to Bill's house. Bummer for him.
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