Oh, please. Don't get your feathers in a ruffle just by reading the title. Its not a bitter diatribe against child bearing females, trust me. But here's my little list of ways that my mother has "ruined" me. I'll add more as they come to me. Which reminds me...
1. I am a forgetful person. Easy come, easy go... Almost every phone conversation between us ends, "There was something else I was going to tell you... but I can't remember. I'll call you later when I think of it again."
2. If I do not make my bed first thing in the morning, my day is absolutely ruined. There is no way to keep peace and harmony in the world if you can't even make your own bed.
3. Water is the cure for most of your ailments. Headache? Dehydration - drink more water. Amputation? You'll probably need to replenish your fluids - drink water.
4. The older I get, the more technology baffles me.
5. I love to iron. LOVE. I'm not sure if this stems from my mother's love of ironing, or if she hated it and so that's why I got the job. Either way, I'm crediting her for this foolish fetish.
6. I have the inability to sit still for long periods of time without doing "handiwork". Cross stitch, crochet, mending work shirts, just something to keep me occupied.
7. I can't do "cutesy".
8. Being "punctual" means that you are 15 minutes early.
9. Recipes are more like guidelines or suggestions rather than something to be followed like a NASA space shuttle launch. That, I would probably follow directions to. Probably.
10. I say things like "ooh" and "aah" and "he might get hurt!" when, five years ago I was either the one pulling the stunts or egging someone on. (This one is slightly depressing to me...)
11. I love dirt germs. Town germs, or even the thought of town germs, creep me out. Picture it: a little kid in the child seat of a Wal-Mart shopping cart. And then.... you know its coming.... with his little precious mouth wide open, the little bundle of joy will place his precious, perfect, innocent mouth over the handle of a shopping cart that was previously pushed by a crackhead, and suddenly his sterile innocence is forever shattered. Think about that the next time you kiss a little baby.
12. There should be a class and certification process to go through so you know properly how to load a dishwasher. You laugh now, but the first time you have company over and they offer to help clean up supper and take allllllllll the silverware and throw it in one tight wad in one little tiny holder...... Yeah, try to smile and say thank you after watching that happen while really you're dying and grimacing on the inside.
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Just like mama said... If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.