Geez Louize

I wish I could tell you that most of my conversations were made up.  I really do.  It would probably give you a bit more faith in the human race and it would make me look like I could perhaps be more intelligent than a three-toed sloth.  Perhaps.  But this is not the case. 

Below is a text message conversation involving my mother and sisters.  I try to text them all after each baby doc appointment so they are in the loop with what's going on. 

Me:  Things are fine, blah, blah, blah, etc., etc., etc.

Mom: I was just thinking about your robe.  You need to take one to the hospital with you.  Be sure to remove the bullets from the pockets before you go.  It's like the airport... no sense of humor!

Me:  Seriously?  That sucks. 

Karalina:  And THAT is what has made this pregnancy so entertaining for the rest of us! 

I hope that this pregnancy has brightened your days as much as it has my family's.  Even if it is at my expense. 

Maternity photos

Some people have fancy maternity photos, some people don't. 
 

Any day now...

We would be in the latter category. 

Pot, Meet Kettle

I love to watch Extreme Couponing.  You know, the show where one mom goes dumpster diving for coupon inserts, one hits up her neighbors for extra fliers, and one steals them from a homeless man's makeshift pillow.  (Okay, so I made that last one up.)

I first tuned into the show hoping to gain some valuable insight and tips into the world of couponing.  Not so much, but by then I was addicted to watching the show anyway and laughing.

C'mon, some of these folks have serious problems.  Like taking up an entire bedroom with their 1,000 bottle stockpile of shampoo that they paid 10 cents for.  Total.  Or insuring the contents of their garage which includes 10,000 tubes of toothpaste and 600 boxes of cereal and 40 tins of cat food for a feline that they don't even own.

I get such a good laugh out of lounging in my recliner, feet propped up, some sort of feedstuff balanced on the belly-shelf and making fun of these folks that have a serious problem.  I mean, serious.

At the end of the 30 minute program I waddle into our utility room and take a quick inventory of our goods.  I'll give you a brief overview.

Toothpaste: 8-10 boxes
Deodorant: 12-15 sticks
Toothbrushes: 4-6
Razors:  Um, well, lets just say there are enough for Wesley and I to shave every day with a new razor for approximately 6 months.  No joke.

I take this inventory to keep myself in check and make sure I'm not turning into one of these crazies too quickly.  Too quickly being the operative phrase. 

Sometimes I catch myself when I'm clipping coupons and I cringe as I pass a good one by.  I have temporarily banned myself from purchasing anymore razors, no matter how good of a deal I can get on them.  Well, banned myself until we get down to a two month supply, and then the madness can begin again!

Sometimes I wonder how the crazies on Extreme Couponing got their start, and if I should be worried.  Or more appropriately, how worried Wesley should be. 

Quick Math

My husband is like a human calculator.  This comes in really handy sometimes.  Say, like when you're trying to figure up the cost of a calf that weighs 423 pounds and brought $1.35/lb at the sale barn.  In the time that it takes you to punch that into a calculator he would have already figured it up and be waiting impatiently for you to confirm his answer.  This is also handy when trying to figure out chemical spray amounts, rate of gain on weaning calves, miles to the gallon, etc., but not so handy when talking about your wife. 

Example:
Last night we were enjoying the peace and quiet of the evening when the wheels began to spin in W's mind and he shared his thoughts with me. 

"You weigh ____ pounds.  This kids will be roughly 8 pounds.  That's only 4% of your body weight.  Now take a cow.  She weighs 1200 pounds and she'll have an 80 pound calf.  That's 6.6, or nearly 7%, of her body weight.  I really don't understand why you're complaining." 

If I could have mooooooooo-ved, (yes that's right.  Corny cow joke.) out of my rocking chair I would have attempted to maul him with throw pillows.  Safe bet, we'll have no more mental math that involves me any time soon. 

Stop the presses!

I met a vehicle on the drive home last night.

Why, do you ask, is this news? 

This is why.

Reason #768 why I love my life.